Political Satire: The Old Man of the Mountain -- Hellhound breaks loose (地狱猎犬挣脱束缚)

[reedak]

A satirical fairy tale which I posted on Feb 01, 2014 under the title of "Political satire: Hellhound is breaking loose" amazingly mirrored the geopolitical situation of East Asia today, that is, Japan's biggest military expansion since the end of World War 2 under America's permission, assistance and persuasion. As it was posted more than ten years ago, I think most netizens have long forgotten about it. Let us take a look at the following updated version of the fairy tale.

Narrator: As the door slowly opened, a beam of light came creeping in, followed by a tall, thin old man with a lantern in his right hand. Despite his age, as shown by his white goatee and shoulder-length white hair, he walked with incredible agility. After closing the door quietly behind him, he held the lantern aloft and looked around as if to check for intruders. There was no one else in the room save for scores of shrunken human heads hanging in several rows on a wall. They seemed to stare at him with a mixture of hatred, hostility and fear in their sunken eyes. He showed not a bit of fear as he seemed to respond to their sinister stares with a wicked smile.

The place appeared to be some kind of storeroom, with dozens of chests stacked neatly against the opposite wall. Beside the adjacent wall at the far end of the room were two old armchairs, flanked by two life-sized guardian statues with ferocious eyes gazing at the doorway. Hanging above each armchair was a large, shining sword, suspended from the ceiling by a thin rope.

The old man walked towards an armchair and sat down on it. Then he turned around to press one of the five hidden levers on the wall behind the armchair. At once, a hidden door in the stone wall swung open behind the guardian statue next to him, revealing a secret entrance to a basement. With one hand carrying the lantern and the other holding onto the handrail, he descended a narrow flight of stairs into the darkness below.

After reaching the bottom of the staircase, he walked along a winding passageway till he came to an old, rusty, heavy iron door. Opening a huge rusty padlock with a key from his pocket, he pushed hard on the door to open it. The hinges creaked eerily as the door swung open.

A nauseating stench rushed out from the room, almost bowling him over. He lamented: "Why am I so forgetful lately? I should have worn it before coming here." He put the lantern on the floor and took out a surgical mask from his pocket to wear it over his mouth and nose. A gruff voice thundered from inside the room: "There is no need to stand on ceremony. Come in to relax, old man!"

On entering a pitch-dark room, he saw two marble-sized spheres glowing red like burning coals in mid-air. As he moved his lantern nearer to the fiery red spheres, the light revealed that they were actually the malevolent flaming eyes of a huge black dog chained in a lying posture to a pillar. The beast was unusually large for a dog, about the size of s grizzly bear or a horse.

In the flickering light, it could be seen that the whole place, including the walls, ceiling, floor, pillars, even the iron door, was inscribed with unintelligible writing which appeared to be some sort of magic words or inscriptions. For what purpose were they inscribed is anybody's guess.

Old man: Doggy, how did you know I was outside the room?

Dog: It's just simple common sense, even if I don't have the psychic power of telesthesia. Who else dares to come to this dreary chamber at the witching hour when I am thirsting for hot, tasty blood?

Old man: I was hesitant to visit you lest I disturbed your sleep.

Dog: You are kidding. How can I sleep soundly in this cesspool of filth? I really lead a dog's life here. If I could escape back to the underworld, I would complain about you to Hades and sue you for animal rights violations.

Old man: I am second to none in championing the causes of human and animal rights.

Dog: Yes, you are the indisputable champion of all rights, including the right to insult others. It always drives me crazy to see anyone covering his mouth and nose with a mask in front of me.

Old man: Sorry, I wear a mask so as not to spread my flu to you.

Dog: What a considerate fellow you are, hypocrite!

Old man: To be frank with you, I don't like to come here, just like anybody else. I would rather forget your existence after dumping you here almost a century ago. It's advisable to let sleeping dogs lie, but I am coming here with a good purpose tonight.

Dog: There is a Chinese saying, "Only in times of trouble can a man be found praying at the San Bao Temple (the Temple of Three Treasures)." You always come with no good purpose.

Old man: I am bringing you some good news tonight. I am going to grant you limited freedom as I need your assistance to fight against my new enemy.

Dog: New enemy? There seems to be no end to your long list of enemies.

Old man: If I find no enemies, I would feel something amiss. By the way, do you know who my new enemy is?

Dog: I know whom you are referring to as I can sense his presence miles away. I am sure you are talking about the priest whose youngest brother's soul was stolen by me. Right now he is on his way to your hideout to retrieve his brother's soul.

Old man: Yes, you have guessed correctly. The priest is the eldest of three wizard siblings. There was a long-standing feud between the priest and his remaining brother, thus giving me the opportunity to exploit the situation to my advantage. Even now, I still use the strategy of divide and conquer to weaken his tribe and sour his relations with his neighbours. I also spare no effort to shelter or support anyone who tries to break away from his tribe. Besides trying to retrieve his youngest brother's soul, I think he is coming here to challenge me to a duel. Some years ago, I took his brother's soul away from you and kept it as booty in a magic bottle after capturing you in a fierce battle.

Dog: You have banned the sale of all weapons to his tribe. In addition, you have collected all the magic weapons in the world including the Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi (lit. "Grass-Mowing Sword"), Excalibur, Thuan Thien (meaning "Heaven's Will" in Vietnamese), the silver lance of Olyndicus, the Aegis, the Armour of Achilles, the Flying Throne of Kai Kavus and the Canoe of Gluskab. You have the Sword of Damocles and the Honjo Masamune hanging from the ceiling above the armchairs in your storeroom. Any intruder who sits on the wrong armchair or presses a wrong hidden lever would succumb at once to the impending doom that hangs overhead. With so many magic swords and formidable weapons in your arsenal, you can easily defeat anyone in a single combat. I don't understand why you still need my help to fight your new adversary.

Old man: In order to satisfy your curiosity, I ask you this question in return. Which animal is known as the king of the beasts?

Dog: Of course the lion.

Old man: Even though it is called the king of the beasts, it is not as brave as most people think. A lion seldom hunts alone. On the contrary, lions hunt in a group known as a pride.

Taking another example, you will have more chances of checkmating your opponent in chess if you place as many pieces as possible within striking distance around his king. That's why I try to forge a "full global partnership" with you and another mythical animal.

Dog (joking): It would be an unholy trinity.

Old man: As I regard the priest as a formidable adversary or even a threat in the long run, I would not return your plunder and his youngest brother's soul to him, his nephew or any member of his tribe. Instead, I shall hand the stolen soul over to you as a reward if you help me fight the priest.

Dog: I hate to say yes to others. But now that you are going to give me such a rich reward, how can I say no to you?

Old man: I am glad that you do not say no to me at this juncture.

Dog: It's quite funny that we were fighting against each other in the past: literally, dog biting man, and man biting dog. But now we are allies!

Old man: I have no permanent friends or enemies, only interests. In the past, you were my bitter enemy but now you are my dear friend.

Dog: Honestly, I don't trust your friendship. I believe that freedom is not only the oxygen of humanity, but also of all beasts particularly for a miserable dog like me.

I have permanent interests but no permanent freedom. I wonder why you still imprison me even though you had freed my two allies long ago. When can you grant me permanent freedom?

Old man: Having permanent interests does not mean that you should have permanent freedom too. Give you an inch and you'll take a mile. Vae victis! Woe to the vanquished! Being the vanquished, don't demand more than what I offer you!

Dog: Even though you regard me as your "full global partner" now, you still refuse to grant me full freedom. It looks like our united front against the priest is a marriage of convenience.

Old man: So are all alliances! There are two reasons for imprisoning you permanently. Firstly, as long as you could serve as a counterweight to my new enemy, I shall keep you like treasure under lock and key. Secondly, I don't trust you even if you promise me to be as faithful as Argos, the legendary dog of Odysseus.

Dog: I am very disappointed that I can't fill my lungs with the oxygen of freedom, and proclaim to the mortal world and underworld that "I am free at long last!"

Old man: You have yourself to blame for the loss of your permanent freedom. I had no intention of fighting with you openly until you launched a sneak attack against me. I could never forget that fateful night when I strayed into the misty and gloomy abode of the dead. I saw these words inscribed over an archway: "LET NO COWARDS ENTER MY HOME FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH." I am no coward, of course. So why should I be afraid to enter? After going through the archway, I found myself in an old dilapidated garden overgrown with weeds and strewn with skeletons. Soon I arrived at a derelict building with two open doors.

Over one door was the inscription "The Door to Peace", and over the other "The Door to War". I stood staring at the tumbledown building for a long while, hesitating to enter but curiosity eventually got the better of me. As I am a peace-loving man, I chose to enter through "The Door to Peace". To my horror, you crept stealthily behind me, sank your sharp fangs into my right thigh and bit off a large chunk of flesh.

When I woke up, I found myself lying on my bed with a large chunk of flesh missing from my bloody leg. Fortunately, I was able to eradicate the virus from my body with my magic antiviral drug otherwise I would have died of rabies long ago.

Dog: You have yourself to blame since you ignored my warning that was inscribed over the archway. You entered my home for scientific research of your own volition.

Old man: What were you testing by biting others in your Home For Scientific Research?

Dog: It's a riddle for the intelligent.

Old man: What would happen if I stepped into "The Door to War"?

Dog: You would wake up looking for your missing head!

Old man: No wonder you are nicknamed “Bearer of Death”. Whether I chose "war" or "peace", I would still lose part of my body!

Dog: Don't call the kettle black. You are known as the "Sower of Discord" because of your habit of sowing the seeds of discord wherever you go.

Old man: Don't give all sorts of ridiculous excuses for your sins. After your sneak attack against me, I allied with the priest's remaining brother and other sorcerers to give you and your two allies a sound thrashing. After capturing you in a fierce battle, I seized your plunder including the priest's youngest brother's soul which I kept in a magic bottle.

At first, I intended to return your plunder and the stolen soul to the priest's remaining sibling. I had discussed with him about the return of his youngest brother's soul but he asked me to be its temporary custodian until he won the power struggle against his eldest brother. I had second thought after he lost control of his ancestral temple to the priest and fled with his family to a nearby island.

Fortunately, he was so frail and sickly that he departed this world sooner than I anticipated, thus saving me the headache of deciding whether I should return all your plunder to his tribe. By the blessing of Providence, he left behind a son who was equally hostile towards his uncle.

Dog: Your tribe is living in a mountainous region far away from his tribe on the coastal plain. There is a Chinese saying: "River water won't mix with well water." There should be no conflicting interests between you and the priest. The region is wide enough to accommodate both tribes. So what are the causes of hostility between you and the priest?

Old man: It's not a question whether the region is wide enough for both tribes. As a Chinese saying goes, "A mountain cannot accommodate two tigers", my tribe must maintain its supremacy and predominance in the region by all means.

Dog: There is nothing to be feared about the priest. He can't even rein in his dwarfish wayward ally. How can he be a threat to you who are adept at arm-twisting others into bending to your wishes and forcing others to become your unwilling allies?

Old man: It would be imprudent to underestimate one's opponents. To ensure victory, I must keep the upper hand over my enemy. There is no such thing as a fair fight.

Dog: Sunzi says, “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” In addition, Abraham Lincoln was quoted as saying that "the best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend." Then why don't you make the priest or any enemy your friend instead?

Old man: I disagree with Abraham Lincoln. Instead, I think a better quote should be "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a pet".

The more you help me to fight against my enemy, the more freedom I shall give to you. Once I master the "magic power of the invisible leash", you will regain all your freedom. Beware, however! You will come to a sorry end if you think you can be naughty again and roam wherever you please without listening to me. I shall be able to pull you back and rein you in with the magic invisible leash on your neck.

Dog: Now I have made up my mind to stand shoulder to shoulder with you.

Old man: Instead of standing shoulder to shoulder with me, I prefer you to move at least one step ahead of me, not only to be my "shield" but also my "spear" in future battles.

Dog: Now I know how unscrupulous and despicable you are, treating me as cannon fodder! There is a Cantonese saying, "A wise person uses his mouth (to cajole others into doing what he wants), but a fool ends up using his hands (to do the dirty job)."

Whether I am really a fool or not, now I have to put my front paws up to surrender. To me, any alternative is better than to be left to rot in this damned place. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I have no choice but to content myself with a modicum of freedom.

Old man: That's the right attitude. Grip your bird tightly with your paw lest it flies away.

Dog: Give me a good scrub before letting me see the light of day in many years.

Old man: My servants can wash the dirt off your body but not your soul.

Narrator: The huge black dog was taken out from the dungeon and chained to the gate of the old man's mountain fortress next day.

Reference:

http://www.debatepolicy.com/showthre...ight=hellhound

https://asia.nikkei.com/Politics/Int...-U.S.-Congress

https://www.azquotes.com/author/8880...coln/tag/enemy

https://www.shortform.com/blog/subdu...hout-fighting/

https://libquotes.com/henry-kissinger/quote/lbk3s9e