The Post Office came out with a new Obama stamp. There was a real problem with the stamp sticking to envelopes. This enraged Obama, who demanded an investigation be made into the matter.

After a month of testing and $1.73 million in Congressional spending, a special Presidential Commission presented the following findings:

The stamp is in perfect order.

There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

People are spitting on the wrong side.

(I imagine that would really happen if such a stamp existed!