This has to do with my own mother.

B/G: My mother has always been a bit absentee. She was a teenager when I was born, made some not-so-good choices and lost custody of me to my step-dad's (the guy my mom named as my dad, but biologically was not as I later found out) mother, who ended up raising me until she passed away when I was nearly 16.

We never really had the close relationship I had always desired with her. Even after my grandmother passed, and I moved in with my step-dad, which was closer to her in distance than before, she never really made the effort nor expressed desire to be in my life more than she was at the time

Then I got married to my now-ex and had two kids. She only lived a few blocks away and with her work schedule, she was finally around more, voluntarily too. Stopping by in the mornings with pastries for the kids, and babysitting, etc.

Then my ex and I split, and she sided with him, pretty much acting like I wasn't even her daughter. Yes our split wasn't a pleasant one, yet it was not an epic fight, either. You would think I could count on my own mother for emotional support. Nope. She seemed more interested in getting to know my ex's new GF than being a mother to me or meeting the guy I was dating (who is now my husband). I never told her nor thought she had to avoid my ex. Quite the opposite but she is MY mother. Could I have that too, please?

She finally came to terms with my divorce and got to know my new guy, and accepted he was/is in my life.

So, she seemed to make a little more effort. It didn't last long.

Fast forward to now. In the last 2 years, she hasn't made one bit of effort to see my kids when they're with me. She lives with my sister, 10 miles away. I have my kids every morning before school and every other weekend. Then holidays are kind of based upon my ex and his family schedule, but I usually get them for even part of a day if it isn't my weekend.

This past Christmas my dad and step-mom drove 1000 miles from Dallas to my place to spend Christmas with all of us, especially with my boys. My mom didn't even want to make the effort to drive 10 miles and she said she had other plans to just stay home. Yeah.

It was then I decided that if she doesn't want to make any effort to be in our lives, then I am done trying. She tries to argue I never go see her or bring the boys to her. Um, I have TRIED to but she is NEVER home. She is always out with her boyfriend or always tells me she has to work. She seems to always be working but never seems to have any money...

So today my grandma (her mom) calls telling me she wants to do a surprise b-day party for my mom on Monday, along with celebrating my husband's b-day (his is this weds). The dinner party is going to be at the restaurant that is across the street from my shop. Grandma knows a little bit about what went on for Christmas but I hadn't really said anything to her about it after.

My whole point is I really don't want to go. I honestly don't want much to do with my mother anymore. I am tired of being ignored and my kids being ignored. They have asked about her, I just don't know how do I tell them that their grandmother is not interested in them anymore. The thing is, more than just my grandparents will be there. My two sisters are going to be, and a few others, I think.

My dilemma is I can't exactly say I can't go. The party is going to be right across from my shop, so I can't just avoid it and claim the shop is busy, when on Mondays, it is pretty slow-and it will be obvious. Plus my grandparents are coming from where they live, 4 hours away, and they offered to make it a dual-party with my husband in mind.

My husband is supportive of whatever I want to do.

I want to go because my grandparents are wanting to see us and they are being themselves and including Steve's birthday in the celebrations.

I don't want to go because I don't want to have anything to do with my mother anymore. I am tired of the emotional struggle of wanting a close relationship, or even a relationship, period. My dad's family is all in Texas, so I can't just see them any time I want. They all WANT to be in my life and such and do so as much as they can from the distance they are.

I am at a cross-roads...