A penguin takes his car into the mechanic. Mechanic says he'll need an hour to check it out. So, to kill some time, the penguin walks down to the 7-Eleven to get an ice cream. Because penguins don't have hands, he gets ice cream all over himself. He goes back to the mechanic, mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies, "No, it's just a little ice cream."
"I am allergic to piety, it makes me break out in rash judgements." - Penn Jillette
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with a lot of pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"The man who invented the telescope found out more about heaven than the closed eyes of prayer ever discovered." - Robert G. Ingersoll