Originally Posted by
glockmail
1. Clip its claws.
2. Change into your battle fatigues. Or, jeans, a long sleeve flannel shirt, fully buttoned, then a thick sweat shirt.
3. Fill up the bathtub 4" deep with warm water.
4. Get rid of the shower curtain and your wife's entire collection of shampoos, bath bars, brushes, razors, conditioners, and all those other unknown bottles that don't say "shampoo" on them. Don't uses a tub with sliding glass doors.
5. Position a thick bath mat for your knees.
6. Have everything else ready and in position: pet shampoo, large bath towel, washcloth, large plastic drink cup, and a friend who follows orders without talking back and doesn't mind getting wet.
7. Go find the cat, carry it close to the body and grab the head firmly with your free hand.
8. All three of you get into the bathroom and lock the door.
9. Grab the back of the cat's neck with one hand and the two front legs with the other. Firm, authoritative grip.
10. Put the cat in the water, ass on the bottom of the tub. Time will now speed up.
11. Have your friend do all the washing; you do all the holding. Tell your friend and the cat what do do in an authoritative voice- do not panic or yell. Get the cat wet first by splashing water, using the drink cup. Then apply soap, and massage it in. Use the washcloth to clean its face and ears.
12. Pre-rinse with the cup and bath water, then open the drain. Get more water from the sink and do a final rinse.
13. Squeeze water off the cat's coat then transfer it to the bath towel, encasing it completely with the head sticking out.
14. Dry the cat through the towel for a minute or so while time slowly gets back to normal pace.
15. Let the cat out of the towel, then unlock the bathroom and let it out.
Absolutely priceless!
What are reparations? Making me pay
for something I had nothing to do with compensates no one
who suffered an injustice therefore I would be penalized for
something I didnt do and someone else would receive a settlement
for an injury they did not suffer.