Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.
* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.
* You met him in prison.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
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