How To Give A Cat A Pill

[red states rule]

Boy what a week. I logged 55 hours at work, and I had to take a sick kitty to the vet. She had an infection and the vet fixed her up - but I have to give one pill each day

If you own a cat you know what I chore that is. For those of you who do not have a cat let me share this with you

They pretty much apply to me except the last one

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL
IN TWENTY EASY STEPS

1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.
5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.
6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.
16. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.
17. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).
18. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.
19. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.
20. Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

http://www.nanceestar.com/CatPill.html



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[aboutime]

red states rule. Great story. Funny and entertaining. And as I got to the last HAMPSTER sentence.

I thought to myself. You should have tried to feed the cat that Pill....while Obama was talking last night. Your cat would have GULPED really hard, and swallowed the pill when Obama opened his mouth, telling everybody how proud he was to be there. We all know different.

[red states rule]

I do have a confession to make. It have to admit that my cats are - gulp - Democrats

My cats sleep about 20 hours a day. The have their food prepared for them. Their meals are provided at no cost. They visit the Dr. once a year for checkups, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this they pays nothing, and nothing is required of them. They live in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than they need, but they are not required to do any upkeep. If they makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. They have their choice of luxurious places to sleep. They receive these accommodations absolutely free. They live like a kings and queens, they have absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of their costs are picked up by others who earn a living. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick ..........
My cats are Democrats!!!!

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2936187/posts

[WiccanLiberal]

Hmm I have always thought of cats as quintessential Republicans and dogs as Democrats, if not outright Socialists.

[red states rule]

Hmm I have always thought of cats as quintessential Republicans and dogs as Democrats, if not outright Socialists.

Cats are more like libs. They have the attitude they are so much better and smarter and better than everyone else

[aboutime]

Hmm I have always thought of cats as quintessential Republicans and dogs as Democrats, if not outright Socialists.

LOL WiccanLiberal. Gotta remember. When it comes to cats and dogs being members of one party, or another.

The first thing we all need to remember is. Both Cats, and Dogs....are like Politicians. They crap wherever they want. Then Lick their Butt.