“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?” - Chris Rock
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
There's something to what you posted here. Me? I'm not keen on corporal punishment, though I learned to administer to my youngest, via a pediatric psychiatrist. We 'started with restraint hold,' moved down to paddling.
Being me, I'd listen to 'the expert' rather than folks I knew and trusted on most things. That kid was out of control, from 2-12. Lots of reasons, none of which excuse the craziness of the behavior. I was lucky with the shrink, without it the kid likely would have been incarcerated by now. His behaviors were extreme.
Still I'd never advocate for corporal punishment, certainly not for above 4th grade.
Just keep in mind that kids will 'fight' any punishment, heck any rules; but that doesn't mean they don't want them, they know they need them. I've yet to see a 'thank you' to parents that gave kids unlimited freedom to mess up. Have seen countless of parents that 'knocked them sideways,' (I doubt that was absolute recall or at the very least, common). More still for 'parents that made the rules and consequences clear.'
So many criticize their parents for inconsistency and failure to care what they did, no matter how little they applied themselves or how bad their behaviors.
I guess the best idea is to keep in mind the last, when it 'bothers' you to be 'the bad guy.'
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
Not a bad start at change today. He stayed after school for 35 minutes with his teacher for extra help with Chinese. I am having him do this as well with Math and English too, at least till he's back on track. Chinese he really needs the help with. The other 2 are both listed as 70-79 range so far, and I know he can improve. His other classes are all between 80-100.
Once he came home it was straight to his desk to hit the books. He had a math sheet, an English sheet, 16 flash cards to be made - and reading which he does later. I stayed around in case he needed help and had to check off on all of his homework to make sure it's satisfactory. Every day will be like this, with time at school, and extra time beyond his HW at home to study as well. With his efforts will come his "free time" which will have been earned. I'm hoping he'll be happy with his improvement and encouragement - and then this process will get easier.
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?” - Chris Rock
Great start! Now of course tomorrow starts winter break! LOL! Sigh for you. If you can, have him bring home books for break. Help him review a few past chapters in Chinese-perhaps giving you lessons. Same with math and English, but find the novel-tell him you want to 'catch up' to where he is. Then discuss. He'll appreciate that and really listen to his comments. Compliment whenever possible. Throw in a few 'not so honest as to incriminate', but honest stories of how he's 'ahead of where you were at his age. How proud of him you are.
Far more comes from compliments than criticisms. However, truly deserved criticisms are appreciated, especially when coupled with, "How advanced you really are, why mess up?"
The bolded above is very important, odds are he doesn't need you, that you care to be ready to drop whatever to be there? Priceless for him.
One word, give him a chance to decompress on coming home, maybe 15 minutes for a snack and some BS with you or mom. Then hit the books. The life of Middle schooler is not an easy one.
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
Bringing home the books is a good idea. I think he'll have HW time throughout, only it will be utilized for studying his troubling classes, and we will help of course. This should be easier as the days will be longer and he'll still have free time. I'm more than willing to help him every step of the way. I don't want to be intrusive, but at the same time give him the feeling that it's not so bad and that he's not alone.
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?” - Chris Rock
An idea, don't know how well it will work. Tell him you expect at least an hour to an hour and a half of study time each day, except for Christmas and New Years. Can he write out what he needs most work on? Tell him all things need to be reviewed, as if he were in high school, he'd likely be returning to 'mid-terms.' Concentrate on weak areas, but review all.
This is going to suck, but middle schoolers really are trying to be independent, while being shockingly self-aware of how much they need guidance and they want that from their parents. Sooo, if you or your wife or both can say, "Honey, this, this and this mom will review with." "This, this and this, I will." Better yet, allow him to teach each of you what he's learned. Picking up a bit of Chinese or reviewing "Pride and Prejudice" will not be a hardship and may bring you closer.
Don't forget to make time shortly after for a snowball fight or making cookies. Both the school work and what you follow up with will build the memories that he'll cherish. This could be his 'Christmas of awakening.'
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
All excellent ideas, Kath. It means a lot to me. There are times I feel so totally lost on the issue. This is my first and only, and likely last, so I'm hoping to steer him right!
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?” - Chris Rock
jimnyc. Personally. Since I was away, or overseas while our two son's grew up, and became teenagers. My wife had the bulk of the parenting as Both Father, and Mother.
Of course. Our son's grew up PRIOR to all of the electronic devices of today. But she made certain, during the school year. They did their homework when they got home, and before dinner since the school day's were long, and they were tired if they waited too long.
As for your son and his video games.
That decision should be yours, NOT HIS. As his Dad. You make the decisions for him. Not the other way around.
If you want to be just friends with your son. That is not the same as being a Father.
Respect for you comes from his need to look to you to make the choices he isn't prepared to always make.
Kids of all ages prefer the easy way out. And that doesn't include doing homework.
Obviously. I would suggest you be in contact with his teachers. Maybe there is something holding him down, and they should be able to help you with that.
I remember how my father demanded...when I had so many problems with Math...like the TIMES TABLES. He made me WRITE....longhand...all of them from 1 times 1 thru 12 times 12...and all of that was before being able to watch any tv...and that was the late 50's, and early 60's.
I know it was long ago. But I can still remember those YELLOW LEGAL PADS with all of my writing on them. And I did learn.
Be more of a GOOD DAD, and don't worry about being his friend. That is only a threat to you if you both Don't Love Each Other.
I love to make Liberals Cry, and Whine.
So, this is for them.
GOD BLESS AMERICA - IN GOD WE TRUST !
Not just for Jim. I've taught middle school for 11 years. High school only part-time for two years, but subbing mainly for 3.
I'm ready to move onto high school if I can find a position, mostly due to subject matter interest, yes, I like the age. High school students for teachers are for the most part, 'content orientated.' They want what you can teach or they don't. They aren't in the main looking for 'mom' or 'dad', they are pretty autonomous, at least from 10th grade. Oh, there are always a few, but they are few.
Middle school? Yes, one needs to know their subject area, which is why it's 'secondary education.' However, for the main, it's teaching the student how to learn and cope with what's coming. When I teach Constitution at middle school, it's about responsibility and independence. At the high school level it becomes civics and philosophy.
While I do like high school students, I really do. I love middle school students! Unlike their parents, we don't have the issues of 'pulling away,' while still being, 'needy.' No, middle school students for the most part see their teachers as 'getting them,' in a way they think their parents fail to, at least to a degree. They see 'us' as willing to let them take responsibility, but nailing them when the are irresponsible. It's much easier as a teacher, we've a grade book.
However, we've also go rubrics and 'corrections.' If your kid is a behavior issue, they will not catch all the breaks a kid with manners and ability to say, "I screwed up," will get. Believe it or not, the kids get this, the parents should also and encourage good manners and the owning up to responsibility. They go a long way. Most importantly, once mastered, the child is well on their way to being high school ready.
In short, I love middle school students. I like the content taught. I like high school students, I appreciate their independence. I find the teaching more exciting. In middle school the teaching is secondary to the child. In high school, the content is the primary issue, the students in the main are in the main psychologically ready.
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
I'm math phobic, have been since 4th grade. With that said, if there was one thing to say to 'young parents,' make sure your children have down rote: multiplication tables, addition and subtraction tables. Chemical tables, basic grammar rules. Some suggestions: 'I used with my kids', in an audio tape form: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ra...on/id200597387
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
this was me in high school. I truly regret what I could have learned. Yes, for the most part I've 'caught up' on my own, but how much further I could have been?
To the top, seems to me that when he gets home, be it 3:30 or 6:30, he needs decompressing. All kids do. 15 minutes if 3:30; Dinner and 15 if 6:30. Then homework until finished, for most kids that should be within eyes of parents, meaning kitchen or dining room table.
Supplies should be close at hand: poster boards in various colors, markers, pens, pencils, colored pencils, glue stick, calculator, dictionary, thesaurus, graph paper; etc. Parents should know the website of children's homework, whether or not the texts are online, most are.
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill