It's that time for Jerome

[jimnyc]

I don't want to quote any one post and then make others think I am ignoring them. Every one of you means something to me. To post here in the hopes of making me feel better is nice of all of you.

I'm going to try to start posting on other topics, but by no means am I suddenly happy and over this. I literally cannot stop thinking about this. My poor Chihuahua seems depressed and to be looking around for him every now and again. He's not eating as much and kind of sleeping and laying down a lot, I suppose like I have been. I've been holding him tight and spoiling him a bit.

Every time I come into this room the first thing I do is look to the floor where he would lay by my feet. It's odd not having my best friend forever there after so long. I'm still taking steeps to avoid stepping on him underneath my desk. I refuse to get rid of his things, his bedding, even his medication in the cabinet, even though they are all reminders. Some things I know he would have wanted Porter to have and use, and some other things it will just take time before I make changes.

Grieving over the loss of a pet is much worse than I had thought it would be. I've had tons of animals over the years, but always with family, and for one reason or another, things never got to this point to have me taking such actions. The grieving is different than with the loss of a human loved one, and I really can't figure out why.

I know everyone says this, but I'm not sure I ever want a pet again, to endure this loss again. Now I'm afraid of ever repeating this. I'll have to already with 2 more pets I currently own. Maybe someday I'll feel differently.

[WiccanLiberal]

Everyone grieves and recovers differently. For me a memorial helped. I have the ashes of the last three of my babies to pass. For each I got a memory box with a photo tile on top. I placed the ashes and collar and tags as well as the condolence note from the vet with their date of passing. These boxes sit on the table next to my end of the sofa. And yes there are days when I still see or hear them but nowadays it just makes me smile.

[Jeff]

Everyone grieves and recovers differently. For me a memorial helped. I have the ashes of the last three of my babies to pass. For each I got a memory box with a photo tile on top. I placed the ashes and collar and tags as well as the condolence note from the vet with their date of passing. These boxes sit on the table next to my end of the sofa. And yes there are days when I still see or hear them but nowadays it just makes me smile.

I simply kept the collars, I won't put them on another animal ( yes when I got Bubba that first night the wife asked if I wanted to put Winny's collar on him being it was to late to go get him one ) I simply keep them in the cabinet but I know they are there and I almost feel like it is part of them.

[jimnyc]

Everyone grieves and recovers differently. For me a memorial helped. I have the ashes of the last three of my babies to pass. For each I got a memory box with a photo tile on top. I placed the ashes and collar and tags as well as the condolence note from the vet with their date of passing. These boxes sit on the table next to my end of the sofa. And yes there are days when I still see or hear them but nowadays it just makes me smile.

I have the ashes from my cat "Tigger" from a long time back, maybe 10 years or more. I still have not done anything with them other than the original tin container they came in. Thankfully for me, my baby wasn't living with me for quite some time before that, so the heartbreak was a lot less. I am going to buy something very special for Jerome and should probably get something for Tigger as well. I really don't want to visit the pages just yet or would share a few ideas. I know the vet will also be giving us a cast of his footprint as well.

[Gunny]

He has a cut on him that he got sometime last year, never fully healed. I've taken care of it of course, but although a little cut, just doesn't want to heal. In the past year, I thought he had a stroke, or seizure, but he recovered and came back home. We never knew for sure. I noticed then that he looked a little droopy on one side, which is why I immediately thought stroke.

The fat face of his grew a little fatter. I chalked it up to old age on a fat Pug. But in the past few days it seems to have swelled or gotten more puffier. I brought him into the vet this morning. They can't give him any steroids to help, as he's already on a medication for arthritis, and the injection could kill him. She gave him an injection of an antibiotic to see if that would help. She said after that, that if it didn't work within 72 hours, that it's best to let him go.

He is "brachycephalic", which is his smushed in face. This is strike #1, as those dogs always have trouble breathing. He has been diagnosed with "collapsing trachea" years back, hence the medications he is on, strike #2. She said the swelling is an edema, filling with liquid, making it harder for him to breathe. Strike #3

She said he may not show pain. That he would also come to me forever as he's dedicated, but will still have trouble breathing and it hurts, even though he may not express it. The cut not healing really concerns her. She said there's a possibility of seeing a specialist, but Jerome has suffered enough. It looked like he was going to have a heart attack today, from trouble breathing and the fear. He's had surgeries and so many other things, I can't do it to him again at his age. He's been with me here since 1999 and has been very loyal.

He's my best friend in the world. I honestly would give up a limb if I thought it would help and keep him with me forever. I want to run from this. I don't think there's any way in this world I can pick this dog up and carry him into the vet knowing he won't be coming out. I don't know what to do or think. My hands are shaking like leaves. I've prepared myself for this for a LONG time now, and it did no good at all. This is the worst thing ever and will be my worst week ever.

I just took this picture last week, noticing his face puffy, but thinking he's just an old man and saggy.

Sorry. Got a cat that's getting there. It sucks.

[LongTermGuy]

[QUOTE=jimnyc;738797]

I know everyone says this, but I'm not sure I ever want a pet again, to endure this loss again. Now I'm afraid of ever repeating this. I'll have to already with 2 more pets I currently own. Maybe someday I'll feel differently.
[/QUOTE}


I Felt this way once.....a long time ago....Then I got my buddy "Felix" My Parrot...over 22 years ago....Got him from a breeder when he was around 3-4 months old...hand fed. Felix`s life expectancy is 50-75 years ...from what I read and heard....

Felix is the commander of the house ...very smart...drinks coffee every morning with me....Likes to eat what I eat (side dishes)...and of course he enjoys his seeds.

Felix has seen many of our pets... dogs and cats come and go...(they all got along) ...but Felix is still around.....Easy up keep with him....just a nice cage (which is needed...his personal space)....and change of cage papers daily with fresh water and seeds...but his cage door most of the time remains open....He enjoys standing on top of the cage to get a good view of things and analyze all scenarios. He also enjoys going outside on nice sunny days on to the patio ...cage door remains open...he will fly to me when-ever I call him... Just thought I would share this Jim...

[jimnyc]

It's taken me a long time to come back and revisit this thread. I figured just opening it would make me sad, and it has. I scrolled through and didn't want to read things and hurt all over again, but saw all of Jerome's pictures. Man, I miss my buddy!

I still can't figure out why grieving for our beloved pets is so much different than humans. Yes, they are both death and it hurts to lose them both. And yes, I"ll be hurting over losing my loved ones forever. But while I never forget them, I can deal a little better with time.

But make fun of me if you will, but I am having difficulty with Jerome. When I think of him too much it still brings the tears out, the wound is still fresh. Why doesn't that happen with family and friends?

Jerome was with me for 16 years. I went through 6 homes and visited everywhere, and he was always by my side. He slept on my head for nearly that whole time. Maybe because he was still such a huge part of my life when he passed? Or maybe it's just because of me being bipolar.

[Kathianne]

It's taken me a long time to come back and revisit this thread. I figured just opening it would make me sad, and it has. I scrolled through and didn't want to read things and hurt all over again, but saw all of Jerome's pictures. Man, I miss my buddy!

I still can't figure out why grieving for our beloved pets is so much different than humans. Yes, they are both death and it hurts to lose them both. And yes, I"ll be hurting over losing my loved ones forever. But while I never forget them, I can deal a little better with time.

But make fun of me if you will, but I am having difficulty with Jerome. When I think of him too much it still brings the tears out, the wound is still fresh. Why doesn't that happen with family and friends?

Jerome was with me for 16 years. I went through 6 homes and visited everywhere, and he was always by my side. He slept on my head for nearly that whole time. Maybe because he was still such a huge part of my life when he passed? Or maybe it's just because of me being bipolar.

I hear you. I think perhaps because our pets really do love us unconditionally, even as adults. Regardless of our messing up, even with them, they keep coming back happily greeting us-especially dogs.

We miss our pets, moreso humans, but we miss the feelings of love no matter how many people or even animals we still have in our lives-we're human.

[NightTrain]

Sorry, Jim.

I feel terrible.. very poor decision on my part to revisit.

[Kathianne]

Sorry, Jim.

I feel terrible.. very poor decision on my part to revisit.

While it seems Jim is again missing his 'best buddy for years' I think it's normal for many of us. I have moved, married, had 3 kids, got divorced, my parents have passed, have had 3 more dogs that I loved totally, yet still keep a picture of Taffy, my childhood dog-for 18 years-with me. I can still remember moments of total despair, that only a teen could experience, crying into her neck-only to have her lick me until I laughed. She was getting old when I was 12, but didn't pass until my first visit home after college. She waited for me to 'come home.'

I think Jim had in Jerome, that 'Taffy connection' that I still miss.

[jimnyc]

Sorry, Jim.

I feel terrible.. very poor decision on my part to revisit.

Not at all, don't worry about that. I'm the type that wallows in my own misery at times. I'll listen to sad music and drive myself nuts. It's not like I don't have pictures of the little bugger all over, and his urn and more pictures just above me. In a way, I think it's good to have the feelings do this, I think it makes the memories stronger.

Just odd to me how animals have such an effect on us. Well, maybe not odd. We know we love them and we know they love us. I guess I just didn't think of 'the end' and how much that can effect someone.

[Abbey Marie]

I seriously do believe that true love never dies. It just morphs as people and animals leave us. Then there is that plain old "missing them" that we feel deep in our soul.

I think I told you previously about that web site with live pet bereavement counsellors. You can still talk to them. Or just read what others there are feeling. It really helps.

[Kathianne]

Jim, I just came across this from one of my cousins on fb, I thought of Jerome:

[jimnyc]

Jim, I just came across this from one of my cousins on fb, I thought of Jerome:

Awwwww, that reminds me of my little Porter!! But is SO true that they take some of your heart with them. My little Chihuahua is about 10-11 now, and is just as spoiled as Jerome, if not more.

[jimnyc]

A dying dog's goodbye letter to his human

“Yesterday was a weird day. I couldn’t get myself out of bed. The guy I live with lifted me up. I tried to get my legs under me, but they wouldn’t cooperate. He said, ‘Don’t worry, I gotcha, buddy,’ carried me downstairs, and out the front door. That was so nice of him. I needed to pee so badly, I just had to go right there where he put me down. Normally I wouldn’t, but we both decided to make an exception to the rule.

I started walking down the parking lot toward that place where all the dogs like me go to poop. I felt my paws dragging on the ground. ‘How strange,’ I thought. Then suddenly, I just had to go, really badly. In the middle of the parking lot. Normally, I wouldn’t do that. It’s against the rules.”

“My person cleaned up the mess. He’s good at that. I felt embarrassed, looked at him, and he said, ‘Want to keep walking, buddy?’ I did, but it was surprisingly tough. By the time we reached the end of the parking lot, my head was spinning. I tried to climb the little hill, and nearly fell over. I couldn’t figure out what was going on.

He reached down again, and ran his hands over me. That felt good. He picked me up, and carried me home. I was still confused, and my head was light, but I was glad not to have to walk all the way back. It suddenly seemed like an impossible distance.”

“I was so glad to lay down on my bed. My person petted me, saying, ‘I gotcha covered, buddy. I gotcha.’ I love the way that makes me feel. I know he does. He makes everything better.

He felt my paws, and pulled up my lip. He said, ‘Oh, buddy, are you cold?’ I was. My face was cold, my paws were cold. He texted a few people, and came back to pet me.

A few minutes later, another person arrived. He’s one of my favorites, and his name is Jay. He petted me, and said to my person, ‘Do you want to get a blanket?’ They put a blanket over me, and wow… that felt good. I relaxed, and they both petted me, but they both started to choke back tears.”

“I never want them to cry, it breaks my heart. It’s my job to make them feel better, and I was just a little tired, and cold. I drifted in and out of sleep, and they were always there, making sure I was okay, and chatting with each other.

Throughout the day, my person made some phone calls, and spent a lot of time with me. I heard him say, ’9 am tomorrow… OK… yes… I’ll tell you if anything changes. Thank you, Dr. MacDonald.’ He called someone else, and said, ‘I’m sorry, I have to cancel tonight.’ Then as I was drifting off to sleep, I think I heard him cry a little again.”

“In the evening, more of my favorite people came by. They were all so loving. I licked their tears away when they would get close enough to my face. They whispered sweet things in my ear, and told me I was a good boy.

Later in the evening, I felt well enough to stand up and walk to the door to see who was coming in. It was more exhausting than I’d remembered it being, but I loved seeing them all. I heard my person say something like, ‘That’s the first time he’s gotten up under his own power today.’ Everyone seemed glad that I was out of bed. I was, too, but wow… after the excitement wore off, it was so exhausting to move around.”

“After the last visitor left, my person took me outside to do what he called, ‘my business.’ We went back inside and when we reached the bottom of the stairs, they looked twice as steep and ten times as long as I remembered them being. I looked at my person, and he looked at me. He said, ‘Don’t worry, I gotcha, buddy,’ and carried me up.

Then it got even better! Instead of sleeping in my bed, he called me up to sleep on *his* bed. Let me repeat: *I got to sleep in the bed with my person!* We normally have our own beds, but last night we snuggled, and it felt so good to be that close to him. I thought, ‘This is where I belong. I will never leave his side.’ I didn’t feel very well, though, and it was hard to breathe sometimes.”

“It seems like it started a few months ago. We were playing fetch and I just blacked out. I don’t know what happened, but I think I stopped breathing. I could hear my person calling my name. I couldn’t move a muscle. He lifted my head, and looked into my eyes. I could see him right there, but couldn’t lick his face. He said, ‘Benny, are you in there?’ I couldn’t respond. He looked at me, and said, ‘Don’t worry, buddy, I gotcha. I gotcha covered.’ I started to spin into darkness, but then my lungs took in a deep breath, and I could see again.

We went to see some doctors, and since then I’ve heard a lot of words like, ‘cardiomyopathy,’ ‘cancer,’ and ‘kidney failure.’ All I know is that sometimes I feel okay, and sometimes… you know… I just don’t. My person gives me pills.”

“This morning, I heard my person get up and take a shower. He came back in the room, and smelled so nice. He helped me get up, but this time, I could do it on my own. We got to the top of the stairs, and wow… they looked long and steep again. He said, ‘I gotcha, buddy,’ and carried me down. I did my business, and we came back inside. He opened a can, a really, really delicious can of wet dog food. Oh man… I love that stuff!

Jay showed up again. What a nice surprise! He and my person seemed concerned, but everyone was petting me. It seemed a little like a play, where all the actors were sad, but pretending to be happy. Pretty soon after that, another person showed up. She was wearing doctor pants, and I leaned on her.”

“I heard them talk. Everyone looked at my gums, and felt my paws. I heard the doctor pants lady say, ‘It’s your decision, but he’s definitely in that window. I don’t want to push you, but looking at his lack of color, I am honestly shocked he’s even standing up. In addition to the paws and jowls, look here…’ she pointed at my face, ‘This should be pink. It’s almost white, and verging toward yellow.’

My person and Jay went inside to talk about something. When they came back out, I heard my person say, ‘I agree. I don’t want to wait till he’s in absolute agony.’ So we went inside. Truth be told, I was feeling pretty badly, even though I was up and walking. It seemed like my whole head was cold, my paws were freezing, and my back legs weren’t working right.”

“The doctor pants lady said, ‘I’ll just put this into his muscle. It’s a sedative. Then I’ll come back over here, and you can just love on him till he’s asleep.’ My person kissed my face, and looked in my eyes. He was trying not to cry. Doctor pants lady gave me a shot of something in the leg. I just looked at my person. He is so awesome. I will always be right by his side.

He and Jay petted me, and said the nicest things — what a good dog I am, what a good job I’ve done, how thankful they are to have me in their lives. After a while, my mind started buzzing. FOCUS! I looked back at my person. I love him so much.”

“I drifted again. FOCUS! I can see my person. I love him so much. I will always be right by his side. He knows that. Am I sleepy? FOCUS! I’ll always look at him with my whole heart…

Doctor pants lady said, ‘He must have an incredible will to stay with you. He is really powering through. That’s impressive.’ My person choked back tears and said, ‘I know. This guy lives for me. He is the most devoted soul I’ve ever met…’ We put our heads together, and closed our eyes. I felt good. I can’t really describe it. We looked at each other again. I just felt like riding that buzz, but maybe lying down was better. My person helped me down. Man, that felt gooooooood.

I felt him and Jay petting me, and heard them talking to me. They love me so much. How lucky am I? Then I felt thousands of hands petting me. Everyone I’d ever known and loved was there, petting me, scratching my ears, and that spot under my collar that makes my leg move. Everyone should try this. It’s just amazing!”

“Then I felt the doctor pants lady touch my leg. Did I tell you that my person had to have both of my knees repaired? They’re titanium, and have served me well, but you know… I’ve been feeling a little creaky lately.

With everyone petting me, the doctor pants lady put another needle in my leg, but this time, as the fluid went in, my legs were healed! My knees were perfect! And as I felt it move through my body, my cancer disappeared! And then my kidneys felt better! And finally, even my heart was whole, and healthy! I felt like I had sprung away from all of my sickness. Amazing!”

“I saw my person, and Jay, and the lady who lives at our house, Shelly. They seemed to be huddling over something. I walked over to look. It seemed like… I don’t know. It kind of looked like me, but the way I looked when I was feeling really sick, or exhausted. The face was blurred out, so I couldn’t really tell, but that poor guy looked like he had been suffering.

I could tell my person was both relieved and very, very sad. I love him so much. I looked at that me-shaped shell, and I looked at him… I think he was sad about that shell. I jumped around the room, like a clown, but it seemed like they wanted to be somber, and focus on whatever that thing was they were petting and kissing.

But my person was definitely sad. I leaned on him, like I’ve done a million times before, but it wasn’t quite the same. It felt like his body was a cloud and I passed right through him. So I walked up next to him, sat like a good boy, and my heart whispered to his, ‘Don’t worry, buddy. I gotcha covered.’ I will never leave his side. He knows that.”

http://cavemancircus.com/2016/03/04/...-to-his-human/