If read these and can not laugh -you need serious help!
If read these and can not laugh -you need serious help, methinks! (humor= medicine for the soul)-Tyr
MY FAVORITE "EPIC ONE LINERS"
"THE REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY
IS BECAUSE...HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE."
"NEVER HIT A MAN WITH GLASSES...
HIT HIM WITH A BASEBALL BAT"
"CROWDED ELEVATORS... SMELL DIFFERENT TO MIDGETS"
"LAUGH AT YOUR PROBLEMS ...EVERYBODY ELSE DOES"
"SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER ...SEX IS THE QUESTION...
YES IS THE ANSWER"
"A COMPUTER ONCE BEAT ME AT CHESS ONCE...
BUT WAS NO MATCH FOR ME AT KICK BOXING"
WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHERE PIZZA...
GETS TO YOUR HOUSE... FASTER THAN THE POLICE
"WOMEN WILL NEVER BE EQUAL TO MEN
UNTIL THEY CAN WALK DOWN THE STREET
WITH A BALD HEAD AND A BEER GUT
AND STILL THINK THEY ARE SEXY"
"GOOD GIRLS ARE BAD GIRLS THAT NEVER GOT CAUGHT"
I'VE DETERMINED MY WIFE SCREAMS THE SAME
WHETHER SHE'S ABOUT TO BE EATEN BY A BIG WHITE SHARK...
OR IF HER FOOT TOUCHES A PIECE OF SEAWEED"
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Which reminds me of this from a couple years ago.. I was 60 years old then and thinking about that last journey.
My friend says to me , ""Robert , you wake up in the morning , look out the window and what you see tells you if your day is going to be good or be bad."
Then he asks me --do you believe that, Robert?
I reply with a very firm , "No"
He asks why...
I reply- "You must be slow on the uptake Louis. At our age, if we even wake up--it must be a damn good day"! 
-Tyr
18 U.S. Code § 2381-Treason Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.
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