Democrat Jokes

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Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

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Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.

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Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

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Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

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Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

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Q: Why did God create Democrats?
A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.

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Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?

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Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.

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Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!

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They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it's MY fault.

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The next time you hear a Democrat use the word "billion" casually think about whether you do, or don't, want that politician spending your tax money!!

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but an advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure in perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

And....

A billion dollars ago, was only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate Washington spends