Haiku thread

[Abbey Marie]

Winter’s Beauty From My Window

Icy branches point
crystal fingers in the sky
silent snowy world

Abbey 4/5/19

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Icy branches point
crystal fingers in the sky
silent snowy world

Abbey 4/5/19

Truly a fantastic haiku my friend. I sincerely think that its far better than mine.
A suggestion if I may.. You should always title your haiku.
And oft give a hint of the thought of the creation/scene/idea, in your title.
Of course how you title is entirely up to you as the poet/author my friend..--Tyr

[Abbey Marie]

Truly a fantastic haiku my friend. I sincerely think that its far better than mine.
A suggestion if I may.. You should always title your haiku.
And oft give a hint of the thought of the creation/scene/idea, in your title.
Of course how you title is entirely up to you as the poet/author my friend..--Tyr

Thank you, Robert! High praise from such a talented writer.

I will think of a title...

[Abbey Marie]

I think I like Haiku because it is so visual, and because it fits my writing preference. As should be obvious here, I don’t write long threads. I’m def a get to the point type of poster, lol.

Thank you Robert for making a space for it here. I‘d had that first Haiku I posted in this thread languishing in my bedside drawer for several years.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I think I like Haiku because it is so visual, and because it fits my writing preference. As should be obvious here, I don’t write long threads. I’m def a get to the point type of poster, lol.

Thank you Robert for making a space for it here. I‘d had that first Haiku I posted in this thread languishing in my bedside drawer for several years.

My friend, obvious to me that you have a natural talent for writing haiku. One that in my estimation you should pursue -if so inclined.
The link I give below is about haiku and poetry forms related to haiku. You may find it interesting and just may decide to try your poetic hand at some of these other short poetry forms.
Of the four listed, I have myself only delved into haiku, primarily because I write so many other forms of poetry, and many are very lengthy.
The forms shown/explained in the given link, are short forms of poetry, which may better suit your style/interests my friend.
And of course always feel free to post your poetry here and also depend on me to help you anyway that I can within the scope of my own poetry knowledge accumulated in my 50+ years of composing poetry. ..

https://lestersmith.com/2009/05/poet...nka-and-lunes/

Poetic Forms: Haiku, Senryu, Tanka, and Lunes
May 29, 2009Lester
counting sylllables
mentioning cherry blossoms
this is not haiku

(from Zen Rampage, back cover)

Haiku
Everyone knows what a haiku is, right? A poem in three lines, with seventeen syllables divided five/seven/five.

That’s the commonly accepted definition of a haiku in English, but to understand how we got there, it’s worth knowing a little bit about haiku in Japanese. You can look up the history yourself: I’d just like to point out a few standard features of a Japanese haiku.

It has seventeen syllables.
It has a conceptual break after either the fifth syllable or the twelfth.
It includes a seasonal word to ground it in nature.
It is not metaphorical.
The conceptual break explains why English haiku are commonly divided as they are: Five/seven/five includes both possible breaks in thought—depending upon where your poem puts its emphasis. This format also explains why so many English haiku are simply bad: It isn’t enough to divide your lines; each line also needs to be a complete mini thought in it’s own right; and one of those breaks must create an interesting shift in perception if the poem is to have any power.

Senryu
Note the haiku’s traditional requirement for a seasonal word, and it’s avoidance of metaphor. In Japanese poetry, if you write seventeen syllables with a break like a haiku, but without a seasonal word, that’s a senryu (pronounced like “send you,” but with an “R” instead of a “D”). Senryu are often humorous, frequently feature people, and may be metaphorical or otherwise more self-consciously contrived.

For most English-speaking people’s purposes, however, this is just a wasted word. If you write something with a haiku’s syllable count and breaks, you might as well call it a haiku, because pretty much everybody who reads it will call it that.

Tanka
A related form (in that it developed from the same historic roots as haiku and senryu) is the tanka. In English, this is thirty-one syllables in five lines, divided five/seven/five/seven/seven. Obviously, with nearly twice the syllables of a haiku, a tanka can treat a slightly larger subject. Here’s an example (also from Zen Rampage).

“Eighty-two years old!”
The stranger’s bony finger
prodding my shoulder.
How am I to understand
the meaning of his bared teeth?

I hope it’s evident that each line carries its own bit of meaning, like individual building blocks contributing to a five-block structure.

Lune
It’s worth noting that Japanese words have more syllables on average than English words do. So in effect, seventeen syllables in English can carry more meaning. In a way, English haiku are cheating.

To better represent the sparsity of thought in a Japanese haiku, a literature professor named Robert Kelly invented the lune, a thirteen-syllable poem divided five/three/five. He named this form the lune, because the right side of most examples creates a crescent shape, like a crescent moon.

Here’s an example I posted to Twitter and Facebook a few days ago.

if not for the birds
I’d not know
that I cannot fly

(For what it’s worth, the lune is probably my favorite form of poem. And considering how much I love the sonnet, that’s saying something!)

Another fellow, named Jack Collum, was teaching this form to children, and slightly misremembered it. Instead of five/three/five syllables, he thought three/five/three words. This being somewhat easier for children to count, the form has stuck.

Note that because “lune” is an English word, two or more of these poems are “lunes.” By contrast, more than one haiku, senryu, or tanka become “two haiku,” “five senryu,” or “seventy-nine tanka,” for example.

Final Words
I hope that this brief overview of these related forms has inspired you to write some of your own. Just remember to make each line stand at least somewhat on its own, rather than seeming like a sudden U-turn in the street, simply because you’ve run out of syllables. And try to have a significant change in thought, some measure of surprise, in one of the breaks. Your readers will appreciate the effort!

—Les

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Scenes That Set Young Minds Pondering

massive beaver dam
herd of thirsty deer mid-stream
old wood bridge fallen

Robert J. Lindley,
haiku, 4-23-2019

[Abbey Marie]

After the Funeral

Folder lies inert
Life summed up in cold papers?
Wind whispers “he’s gone”


Abbey
4/23/19

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

After the Funeral

Blue folder lies inert
Life summed up in cold papers?
Wind whispers “he’s gone”


Abbey
4/23/19

Love it - presented with exceptional imagery, depth and heart.. ---Tyr

[Abbey Marie]

Love it - presented with exceptional imagery, depth and heart.. ---Tyr

Thank you!
I fixed the syllables. I find that I initially count them correctly, and then when I edit a line to sound better, I forget to re-count them!
I’ll get there eventually.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Thank you!
I fixed the syllables. I find that I initially count them correctly, and then when I edit a line to sound better, I forget to re-count them!
I’ll get there eventually.

Remember that haiku are image based, not based upon sound when one reads the verses.
And I have myself done the same when editing to create the image desired, oft changing a word forgetting that it has more syllable than the one it replaces.
Your ability to compose haiku is already on a high level in my opinion. --Tyr

[Abbey Marie]

Memories In the Garden

Abandoned book lies
unread, unnoticed, unloved
sad woman looks back

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Mind Shadows And Hurt

sorrows and deep woe
invisible the dark foe
echo of sad night

Robert J. Lindley, 5-27-202-
Haiku, ( When A Dark Reality Bites )

[Abbey Marie]

Mind Shadows And Hurt

sorrows and deep woe
invisible the dark foe
echo of sad night

Robert J. Lindley, 5-27-202-
Haiku, ( When A Dark Reality Bites )

I like this Robert

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I like this Robert

Thanks. I had to edit the poem. So I then edited the quote you posted.
I previously had presented the wrong version-- the one with the wrong syllable count.
Got mixed up because I had gotten a long phone call about an old friend that is very ill.
Forgot to grab the newer, edited version to present. My bad. Sorry.
The first unedited version was my original brain child thought but it did not meet accurately
the 5-7-5 syllable count needed to be a true haiku.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

The View And The Memory

golden light, cool morn
magnificence, red sunset
life and calm repose

Robert J. Lindley, 5-26-2020
Haiku,
(Once a day spent at the lake.....)
************************************

edit shown below are from previous composing...


(Haiku Trilogy, Thoughts and Views)
composing pre-dawn hours

(1.)

Life, Contrasting Views

doe and fawn grazing
radiant sun beaming down
night cries, city born

Robert J. Lindley, 5/23-2020
haiku,


(2.)

The Camp And The Hope

fire,dying embers
tent and gear snow covered
dawn and hope rising

Robert J. Lindley, 5/23-2020
haiku,

(3.)

Remembered Times

home and hearth winter
chilling winds whispering deep
white sands, vacation

Robert J. Lindley, 5/23-2020
haiku,