Good marriage advice: Go to bed angry

[darin]

Can’t speak for others, but I listened through the video more than once, and found the message to be unsatisfactory, and rooted in ego. The implication that sustained anger towards a loved one is anything other than a failure of yourself sets a poor baseline, and it’s all downhill from there.

I would be interested in what part specifically you found rooted in ego? Was it the part where he encouraged couples to work hard to solve an issue...but if it becomes beating a dead horse, simply lean INTO the marriage; where he encouraged couples to get to a point where, if nothing else, rest-well knowing the marriage is the rock; its the unchanging anchor.

I think you finding implied 'sustained anger' means you didn't really listen, or are stupid. But I don't think you're stupid. Because there is clearly NO implication of sustained anger. In fact, he doesn't even MENTION anger. Not in the least. He made no insinuation to treat the other partner rudely, or to hold grudges. In fact, I think even a 10 year old would understand the guy is saying Cleave to the partner. That's the opposite of ego. That's the opposite of anger.

[Noir]

I would be interested in what part specifically you found rooted in ego? Was it the part where he encouraged couples to work hard to solve an issue...but if it becomes beating a dead horse, simply lean INTO the marriage; where he encouraged couples to get to a point where, if nothing else, rest-well knowing the marriage is the rock; its the unchanging anchor.

I think leaving an argument with ‘I’m not going to talk to you anymore, I’m going to bed and when I wake up we’ll still be married’ is very specifically rooted in and egotistic mindset.

I think you finding implied 'sustained anger' means you didn't really listen, or are stupid. But I don't think you're stupid. Because there is clearly NO implication of sustained anger. In fact, he doesn't even MENTION anger. Not in the least. He made no insinuation to treat the other partner rudely, or to hold grudges. In fact, I think even a 10 year old would understand the guy is saying Cleave to the partner. That's the opposite of ego. That's the opposite of anger.

...I mean, because I did listen I heard him say “go to bed angry.”

You even put the word “angry” in the topic title because it was what he said :/

[darin]

I think leaving an argument with ‘I’m not going to talk to you anymore, I’m going to bed and when I wake up we’ll still be married’ is very specifically rooted in and egotistic mindset.

Who would suggest doing that? Can you explain how "I love you, we are not solving this tonite. Let's get some sleep despite not solving the problem" is rooted in anything but love and commitment?

...I mean, because I did listen I heard him say “go to bed angry.”

You even put the word “angry” in the topic title because it was what he said :/

But using the word for the title is less important than the point he was making. He says essentially "Go to be angry" then clearly describes going to be without resolution. To not be afraid to stop arguing if its not helping anything. Comprehension helps a ton.

[Noir]

Who would suggest doing that? Can you explain how "I love you, we are not solving this tonite. Let's get some sleep despite not solving the problem" is rooted in anything but love and commitment?

But using the word for the title is less important than the point he was making. He says essentially "Go to be angry" then clearly describes going to be without resolution. To not be afraid to stop arguing if its not helping anything. Comprehension helps a ton.

So when he says “go to bed angry” he doesn’t mean “go to bed angry”...I can see why his wife goes to bed angry.

[darin]

So when he says “go to bed angry” he doesn’t mean “go to bed angry”...I can see why his wife goes to bed angry.

You are being stupid.

"My advice, go to bed angry! - But what i mean by that is there are times when you're at an impasse - you both should consider just stopping. Stopping the argument. Go to bed with it unsolved knowing the Marriage is solid. Lean into the marriage commitment because it can sustain you when stressed."

That message has to be clear to adult readers. and that message is perfect.

[Noir]

You are being stupid.

"My advice, go to bed angry! - But what i mean by that is there are times when you're at an impasse - you both should consider just stopping. Stopping the argument. Go to bed with it unsolved knowing the Marriage is solid. Lean into the marriage commitment because it can sustain you when stressed."

That message has to be clear to adult readers. and that message is perfect.

Then you may leave me to my stupidity, and can yourself enjoy whatever nights you go to bed angry because of this //perfect message// when I will not.

[darin]

Then you may leave me to my stupidity, and can yourself enjoy whatever nights you go to bed angry because of this //perfect message// when I will not.

Sure - means you don't like good things. That's fine. Wisdom escapes you. But just know it's a choice.

[High_Plains_Drifter]

I virtually never go to bed angry. I can't remember that last time I did, or if I ever did. I always wake up in a good mood too.

Far as I'm concerned, life is good.

Time to go vote...

[STTAB]

I went to bed angry with my wife twice last night. Made sure she knew what was what.