What man on his right mind would obey orders to sleep on the couch or leave?

[tailfins]

Anyone who is planning ahead to that extent, deep down knows that something’s not quite right.

I think it's just good sense. It evens the score in case things go bad and it removes temptation for a woman to "cash in" her husband. It's also a good approach to landlords and employers. Except for a landlord or employer the plan is to be ready to sue if they play games with your deposit or fire you, respectively. Always have a plan in any human relationship in case someone tries to screw you over. Consider the possibility of being screwed over from ANY human interaction.

[Abbey Marie]

I think it's just good sense. It evens the score in case things go bad and it removes temptation for a woman to "cash in" her husband. It's also a good approach to landlords and employers. Except for a landlord or employer the plan is to be ready to sue if they play games with your deposit or fire you, respectively. Always have a plan in any human relationship in case someone tries to screw you over. Consider the possibility of being screwed over from ANY human interaction.

Can't relate to this in marriage. I would never marry someone without integrity. People telegraph who they are in many ways. If somehow you read the person you wanted to marry that wrong, then you weren't paying close enough attention, or decided to only see what you wanted to see.

Oh and btw, we know very well two couples where the husband got the house and contents outright. The women got none of it. And they aren't druggies or alcoholics or anything dangerous to the kids. They were both great moms in fact.

[jimnyc]

Can't relate to this in marriage. I would never marry someone without integrity. People telegraph who they are in many ways. If somehow you read the person you wanted to marry that wrong, then you weren't paying close enough attention, or decided to only see what you wanted to see.

Oh and btw, we know very well two couples where the husband got the house and contents outright. The women got none of it. And they aren't druggies or alcoholics or anything dangerous to the kids. They were both great moms in fact.

I don't think I need to tell anyone who know's me about my Mom, and how I felt about her. She was a great mom! Perfect in my book. Dad as perfect too! My parents were always there for us, for me. I can go on about each, but it's not about who did more or a contest. They were both great parents and mom's and dad's.

Still, there was only one home when it came time to divorce. Dad was awarded full primary custody and the family home. We still saw Mom every weekend, and actually whenever we felt like it since she lived mostly within walking distance. But Dad "won" in court with the house and the kiddos, and kept the car, trailer and other crap, and had to give mom some $$ in return. It all worked out just fine for our family, but I point this out to show that Dad doesn't always get screwed. Nor Mom in our instance.

[gabosaurus]

I think it's just good sense. It evens the score in case things go bad and it removes temptation for a woman to "cash in" her husband. It's also a good approach to landlords and employers. Except for a landlord or employer the plan is to be ready to sue if they play games with your deposit or fire you, respectively. Always have a plan in any human relationship in case someone tries to screw you over. Consider the possibility of being screwed over from ANY human interaction.

So you are planning for your marriage to fail? Sounds mighty non-Christian to me.
As my husband knows, I take the "til death do us part" portion of the vows very seriously. If I ever want to "cash in" my husband, it will be with a hit man, not a lawyer or accountant.
If your wife knows that you are planning all these things, she already has grounds for divorce. I believe it is "spousal cruelty." Meaning that one partner treated the other in such a way that the marriage is broken and insupportable.

[tailfins]

So you are planning for your marriage to fail? Sounds mighty non-Christian to me.
As my husband knows, I take the "til death do us part" portion of the vows very seriously. If I ever want to "cash in" my husband, it will be with a hit man, not a lawyer or accountant.
If your wife knows that you are planning all these things, she already has grounds for divorce. I believe it is "spousal cruelty." Meaning that one partner treated the other in such a way that the marriage is broken and insupportable.

There's nothing cruel about being judgement-proof. Actually I fear healthcare providers more than my wife. It's interesting that you consider zero net worth a form of "spousal cruelty". Don't accumulate wealth and live a rented lifestyle. Spend it as fast as you get it. I will have to tell my wife that I'm committing "spousal cruelty" next time we have a $200 dinner. She will get a kick out of it.

[gabosaurus]

There's nothing cruel about being judgement-proof. Actually I fear healthcare providers more than my wife. It's interesting that you consider zero net worth a form of "spousal cruelty". Don't accumulate wealth and live a rented lifestyle. Spend it as fast as you get it. I will have to tell my wife that I'm committing "spousal cruelty" next time we have a $200 dinner. She will get a kick out of it.

I will admit that we have never shared a $200 dinner. In fact, we very rarely eat out. I prefer to cook at home, or help my daughter cook. We don't do anything extravagant. Pretty much everything we earn is invested.
It is unfortunate that you feel the need to be so calculated in your relationship. Real love is respecting your spouse and allowing her to make her own decisions, not buying her off with expensive gifts and dinners. Treating your wife like a domestic servant rather than an equal partner in your relationship does not sound like real love to me.
Then again, my husband and I met in real life. He didn't need to buy me off the internet.

[jimnyc]

I will admit that we have never shared a $200 dinner. In fact, we very rarely eat out. I prefer to cook at home, or help my daughter cook. We don't do anything extravagant. Pretty much everything we earn is invested.
It is unfortunate that you feel the need to be so calculated in your relationship. Real love is respecting your spouse and allowing her to make her own decisions, not buying her off with expensive gifts and dinners. Treating your wife like a domestic servant rather than an equal partner in your relationship does not sound like real love to me.
Then again, my husband and I met in real life. He didn't need to buy me off the internet.

$200 dinner? Dang, don't get me wrong, maybe the night you get married, an anniversary.... or when there are 12 people at the table.

Otherwise? My wife shops from Freshdirect, and plans each meal. Certainly not around money, more around health, but you would think the opposite when you have a belly to keep up with and you see small portions. She's a smart eater & shopper, and my health and wallet benefit from it.

But I'm no dummy. Sometimes the starving is too much. I always have some goodies on hand for those nights! Ok, who am I kidding, that's most nights.

Even my favorite favorite places, which I think are way overpriced but still fantastic food... those places can be $40-50 per plate, for the best steak in town.

We never eat out anymore. It's almost always ordering in when we don't feel like cooking.

The woman has a few secretaries at work. Every now and again she'll bark an order or 2 in my direction. Sometimes I blindly do it. Most of the time I need to remind her.

No "love" will be found by purchasing on the internet, nor respect. Only time together can make that happen.

You can't hurry love, no you just have to wait. Love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take!

[Gunny]

So you are planning for your marriage to fail? Sounds mighty non-Christian to me.
As my husband knows, I take the "til death do us part" portion of the vows very seriously. If I ever want to "cash in" my husband, it will be with a hit man, not a lawyer or accountant.
If your wife knows that you are planning all these things, she already has grounds for divorce. I believe it is "spousal cruelty." Meaning that one partner treated the other in such a way that the marriage is broken and insupportable.

No, it sounds pointless and dumb.

If the arrangements are pre-nup, it's not spousal cruelty. No one forced anyone to sign anything. The pre-nup can be voided if you can prove coercion. Like: "sign this or no marriage". Hard to prove. Unless of course you're as bright as TF and tell everyone .