Another odd question - prison

[jimnyc]

I have been looking for a friend since the early 90's. Last I heard he moved to Pennsylvania and we lost touch. His old girlfriend recently found me on Facebook. She went with him to Pa and is now back in our old childhood area. It turns out he is currently in for a 3 1/2 - 10 year sentence for "receiving stolen property" and one of the 2 charges was a gun.

He was perhaps the best friend I have had in my entire life. But we went our separate lives, obviously. He now sits in a prison in Camp Hill, Pa.

Look, we all make mistakes. Not all of us make criminal mistakes, but he's obviously paying for whatever it is he did. I do feel bad even though he's getting what he deserved.

I wouldn't mind writing. Also, it's not far from the Route 78 West - Route 81 South intersection when cruising through Pa. and then heading south into Maryland or whatever. Should I ever be taking that route again to go down and see Jeff/Dad, I wouldn't mind setting aside some time to stop in and say hell to an old friend. His parents are both gone, prior to his incarceration. He has quite a few sisters but I understand they all have disowned him.

Does that sound insane? If any of you had your BEST FRIEND from years back in prison, would you consider seeing them or helping them in some small way?

[CSM]

I have been looking for a friend since the early 90's. Last I heard he moved to Pennsylvania and we lost touch. His old girlfriend recently found me on Facebook. She went with him to Pa and is now back in our old childhood area. It turns out he is currently in for a 3 1/2 - 10 year sentence for "receiving stolen property" and one of the 2 charges was a gun.

He was perhaps the best friend I have had in my entire life. But we went our separate lives, obviously. He now sits in a prison in Camp Hill, Pa.

Look, we all make mistakes. Not all of us make criminal mistakes, but he's obviously paying for whatever it is he did. I do feel bad even though he's getting what he deserved.

I wouldn't mind writing. Also, it's not far from the Route 78 West - Route 81 South intersection when cruising through Pa. and then heading south into Maryland or whatever. Should I ever be taking that route again to go down and see Jeff/Dad, I wouldn't mind setting aside some time to stop in and say hell to an old friend. His parents are both gone, prior to his incarceration. He has quite a few sisters but I understand they all have disowned him.

Does that sound insane? If any of you had your BEST FRIEND from years back in prison, would you consider seeing them or helping them in some small way?

IMO, it depends on what he is like now and not what he WAS like when you were best friends. Only one way to find out and that is wither visit or otherwise correspond with him. My personal experience: I had a friend who WAS a great guy. Ended up beating the crap out of his wife and going to jail. went to visit him a couple of times and the guy turned out to be a complete asshole.

[Gunny]

I have totally mixed emotions on this one. You should pay a penalty for a crime. Once you've paid that penalty it should be a done deal. That is the ideal behind the law. But we tag people. You're not a person anymore. Your name is "ex-felon". And our judicial system is a revolving door. Once you screw up, you're going back. It's more the system than the person.

And I'd rather be in the ASPCA than prison. The way prisoners are treated is just as sorry as it gets. You have more rights in this country as an Arab terrorist. Give me the death penalty. I ain't living in no box.

I'm not saying criminals shouldn't be punished, but we treat our animals better.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I have been looking for a friend since the early 90's. Last I heard he moved to Pennsylvania and we lost touch. His old girlfriend recently found me on Facebook. She went with him to Pa and is now back in our old childhood area. It turns out he is currently in for a 3 1/2 - 10 year sentence for "receiving stolen property" and one of the 2 charges was a gun.

He was perhaps the best friend I have had in my entire life. But we went our separate lives, obviously. He now sits in a prison in Camp Hill, Pa.

Look, we all make mistakes. Not all of us make criminal mistakes, but he's obviously paying for whatever it is he did. I do feel bad even though he's getting what he deserved.

I wouldn't mind writing. Also, it's not far from the Route 78 West - Route 81 South intersection when cruising through Pa. and then heading south into Maryland or whatever. Should I ever be taking that route again to go down and see Jeff/Dad, I wouldn't mind setting aside some time to stop in and say hell to an old friend. His parents are both gone, prior to his incarceration. He has quite a few sisters but I understand they all have disowned him.

Does that sound insane? If any of you had your BEST FRIEND from years back in prison, would you consider seeing them or helping them in some small way?

ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO MEET BUT BEWARE IF HE GOT HEAVILY INTO DRUGS HE MAY BE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.
Which was what I found out 11 years ago with my friend.
I had not seen him in about 10 years as he moved to the West coast. I heard he moved back, spoke to his brother and got his phone number and arranged for him to come to my house that Friday night.
Riza and I had only been married a few months and I had described him as I HAD KNOWN HIM BEFORE.
He showed up and it only took 5 minutes after he entered my home for me to know he was on drugs, high at that moment and a totally different person..
Kept asking me if I still had 40/50 guns , etc. I SAW THAT HE WAS SCOPING MY HOUSE OUT.
I LED HIM TO THE DRIVEWAY, TOLD HIM YOU ARENT THE SAME GUY I ONCE KNEW-
IF YOU EVER COME BACK HERE I WILL BREAK SOMETHING ON YOU.

HE KNOWS ME, AND I NEVER MAKE THREATS THAT I WILL NOT KEEP.
HE HAS NEVER BEEN BACK.

I am telling you, he was a totally different person that I once knew. My new wife was scared of him after a few minutes!
She saw he was like a animal looking for what he could score.

TIS WHY I DESPISE DRUGGIES AND DRUG PUSHERS.--TYR

[Gunny]

ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO MEET BUT BEWARE IF HE GOT HEAVILY INTO DRUGS HE MAY BE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.
Which was what I found out 11 years ago with my friend.
I had not seen him in about 10 years as he moved to the West coast. I heard he moved back, spoke to his brother and got his phone number and arranged for him to come to my house that Friday night.
Riza and I had only been married a few months and I had described him as I HAD KNOWN HIM BEFORE.
He showed up and it only took 5 minutes after he entered my home for me to know he was on drugs, high at that moment and a totally different person..
Kept asking me if I still had 40/50 guns , etc. I SAW THAT HE WAS SCOPING MY HOUSE OUT.
I LED HIM TO THE DRIVEWAY, TOLD HIM YOU ARENT THE SAME GUY I ONCE KNEW-
IF YOU EVER COME BACK HERE I WILL BREAK SOMETHING ON YOU.

HE KNOWS ME, AND I NEVER MAKE THREATS THAT I WILL NOT KEEP.
HE HAS NEVER BEEN BACK.

I am telling you, he was a totally different person that I once knew. My new wife was scared of him after a few minutes!
She saw he was like a animal looking for what he could score.

TIS WHY I DESPISE DRUGGIES AND DRUG PUSHERS.--TYR

Yeah. Bad idea. Should have met on neutral ground.

[hjmick]

My best friend from way back, is still my best friend today, despite the 3,000 mile separation.


With that in mind...

He's not your best friend now, and he hasn't been for many, many years. There is a reason your lives diverged, and I think it is more than his moving. I think you should think on that, ruminate, before you make a decision.


There was a time in my youth when I worked towards joining law enforcement. I went on ride-a-longs with the LAPD, LASD, and the Ventura County Sheriff. One night while out with the VCSD, the deputy I was with arrested a guy that very familiar to me. He was a friend from high school. Used to be a pretty good friend, back then. I felt no guilt at his arrest, it wasn't his first, probably wasn't his last. That night I realized why we were no longer friends, why we had lost touch. Our lives were polar opposites. We wanted nd needed different things. He chose a shady, questionable lifestyle, one in which I had no interest.


Jim, the guy who was your "best friend" is not the guy sitting in prison.


The choice is yours, bud. Do what you will, but I suggest that, should you decide to make contact, do so slowly. Write him, get a reply or ten. Read his words, through those words try to discern the type of man he is today, get to know this man for who he is today. Ask yourself if you would want to take your kid, your wife around this guy when he gets out.


Whatever you do, don't give him your phone number. If his family disowned him, he'll be calling you all the time.

[jimnyc]

I'm definitely having second thoughts about this. I wish there was a way to email and not divulge anything, but not possible. I don't mind sending along a letter, see if he replies, and see if I can tell anything by that letter. I wouldn't even mind just leaving it there no matter what, as communication is communication, and I know it would likely help anyone in such a situation.

But my problem is him getting my home address. I trust the guy I knew back when, but as HJ pointed out, that may no longer be the same person. I don't want someone knocking on my door someday looking for a place to hang his head - or worse. And I imagine if I left the return address blank it would be dismissed by the facility. They already have a list of a ton of no no's that will get your letter tossed. And I don't want them bastards investigating me either, just for trying to do something nice. I'd put in an old address or whatever - but hell, how would he be able to reply then? Haha So really the only way I can think of mailing him is having some level of trust with information, which I'm not sure about. I wish I had a PO box, which is exactly what you send to for them. Hell, the prisoner can't be located by address, but they can find me!! LOL

[Gunny]

I'm definitely having second thoughts about this. I wish there was a way to email and not divulge anything, but not possible. I don't mind sending along a letter, see if he replies, and see if I can tell anything by that letter. I wouldn't even mind just leaving it there no matter what, as communication is communication, and I know it would likely help anyone in such a situation.

But my problem is him getting my home address. I trust the guy I knew back when, but as HJ pointed out, that may no longer be the same person. I don't want someone knocking on my door someday looking for a place to hang his head - or worse. And I imagine if I left the return address blank it would be dismissed by the facility. They already have a list of a ton of no no's that will get your letter tossed. And I don't want them bastards investigating me either, just for trying to do something nice. I'd put in an old address or whatever - but hell, how would he be able to reply then? Haha So really the only way I can think of mailing him is having some level of trust with information, which I'm not sure about. I wish I had a PO box, which is exactly what you send to for them. Hell, the prisoner can't be located by address, but they can find me!! LOL

Just let it go. He went his way. You went yours. Don't trust him. Get a PO Box.

[hjmick]

I don't know how Pennsylvania does it, but I know my wife communicates with her daughter, who is currently incarcerated in California, through email. There is a charge involved, X number of dollars gets you Y number of emails. I imagine they print them out and give to her, but I don't know There is no email reply, only snail mail, so it's a one way street...

Now that I've reread that, the only way you could get a response from the guy in this scenario is to give him your address... That puts you back to square one...



Never mind...

[Said1]

You could mail it from a different address.....like Canada

Reaching out with a letter is helping, or at least trying.

in working with a reintegration program (mainly men) my motto was to enjoy the moment or interaction with the individuals now, in the moment, without judgement (of the past) - but no handing out my address. I totally get the return address thing.s

[Drives a Jeep]

Go see him Jim. Maybe he wants a conjugal.

Seriously though, if he was your BF, he might benefit from the contact. I have a nephew that just got out of the big house after two years and I do what I can for him.